Subway’s Lame Apology

So Subway finally kinda sorta got a clue and posted an apology of sorts, as shown below in red. Let’s analyze it, shall we? My comments in black.

Every Sandwich Tells a Story Contest [first mistake: not dated]

We at SUBWAY restaurants place a high value on education, regardless of the setting, and have initiated a number of programs and promotions aimed at educating our youth in the areas of health and fitness. [Perhaps, except for the issue at hand, no?]

We sincerely apologize to anyone who feels excluded by our current essay contest. [So this is being relegated to the ranks of feelings alone? Homeschoolers didn’t FEEL excluded…they were explicity excluded, with it spelled out multiple times in the contest.] Our intention was to provide an opportunity for traditional schools, many of which we know have trouble affording athletic equipment, to win equipment. [Homeschoolers, on the other hand, who sacrifice time, effort, and are most often also single-income homes and who most often do not receive any outside funding, do not deserve.] Parents who home school their children make a tremendous commitment which we greatly respect [just not so much], and can provide a terrific education. [CAN?! Have they bothered to check the stats or test score results?] Our intent was certainly not to exclude home schooled children from the opportunity to win prizes and benefit from better access to fitness equipment. [Um, how to put this nicely but bluntly…BS]

To address the inadvertent limitation of our current contest and provide an opportunity for even more kids to improve their fitness, we will soon create an additional contest in which home schooled students will be encouraged to participate. When the kids win, everyone wins! [Unfortunately, Subway, I’m not so sure the vast majority of us will be that easily conned or forgiving, for that matter]

[Other issue–this “apology” is not signed by or even done under the name of any distinguishable individual at the corporation…holding nobody responsible or accountable….or even anyone to contact with questions…]

LAME, Subway, LAME.

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