Not So Easy…

Written by Scott

Topics: Archives, Faith, Family

not so easy

We’ve had a lot of comments about our reactions through the journey of this pregnancy. And I get the sentiment. Yes, it’s a testament to our faith. Yes, it’s a testament to our will. Yes, it’s a testament to the love we have for our daughter. It’s all those things and much, much more. But please do not think for a second that it’s easy. It’s certainly not.

Even JoAnn asked me yesterday at the appointment how I’m handling it, since I do tend to take things harder emotionally. My answer is fairly simple…we’re still at the point where we don’t know what mountain we’re facing. Soon enough we’ll be having discussions with a pediatric neurologist at Children’s Hospital in Seattle about hard topics like prognosis, treatment, possibly even hospice. At that point there may be a feeling that I’ve felt a couple times during this process…

The first time was when JoAnn called me, after the midwife had called her the day after the ultrasound, saying we needed to discuss it. Have felt it since in the more recent ultrasounds when it’s been increasingly apparent that the issues are more major. It’s a sinking feeling.

But here’s the deal: a sinking feeling is really only bad when you’re in a boat. We’re not in a boat.

On a logical/practical level, it doesn’t yet make sense to get emotional/upset/however you want to term it, because we don’t know yet what we’re up against and what Evanna’s prognosis is. That’ll come soon enough.

But the other part of what’s helped us stay buoyant (to keep with the nautical theme) are the words of encouragement and prayers we’ve gotten. They are appreciated more than you can know. We’ve even had someone step up and offer to pay for the fetal MRI if insurance decides not to cover it…and there may come a time that we ask for that kind of support as well, since there may be increased expenses if we have any sort of extended stay in Seattle, loss of income if I have to sub out some jobs during delivery and after, etc. But that bridge we’ll cross at that point as well.

So no, it’s not an easy journey. But it is a journey of love…us to our daughter, to (and from!) Yahweh, from to and from all y’all.  Thank you for being a part of this.

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