Why We Don’t Say How Beautiful You Are…
Let me set straight the record: men like women. And most of the time we do indeed think you are beautiful. But why do we not tell you this?
The short version: it’s your fault. That’s right, women, your fault.
The explanation, before I find an angry (but beautiful) mob storming toward my door:
From our perspective:
1. If we do so at work, it will be harassment. [A risk to our job]
2. If we do it outside of work, it’s hitting on you. [A risk to friendship]
3. If we do it in the company of our significant other, we’ll be accused of cheating. [A risk of death].
So, because of the risk, it’s simply easier for us not to, even if we only mean it as a nice compliment.
But why do we not say so to our significant others enough? Years of having to deal with the above…like Pavlov’s puppies, it’s a learned response.
So don’t blame us.
Let me set straight the record: men like women. And most of the time we do indeed think you are beautiful. But why do we not tell you this? The short version: it’s your fault. That’s right, women, your fault. The explanation, before I find an angry (but beautiful) mob storming toward my door:From our…
Aaaaahhhhh…..and here I was, after reading your title and your first sentence, preparing to write an angry response. Glad I waited to respond until the end of your post. What can I say? It's such a shame that common kindness has been replaced by political correctness and now, even the most generous of compliments are silenced. Sometimes I like to imagine a world where the only boundaries imposed on our expressions were those created by the cords of common decency and good manners.
I had never thought of it that way but I can say from experience that we can change! I tell my wife every day how beautiful she is and how much I treasure her as my wife and my best friend.I have also learned that it is so very easy to allow ourselves to be caught up on the business of life and fulfilling our responsibilities that we forget to stop and "smell the perfume" so to speak.Here is a hint from my experience. Never stop courting your wife! You impressed her but treating her in a certain manner as you were courting her and she married you hoping to be treated with that same love and adoration. So do it! Guys, it will put a smile on your face and a renewed spring in your step, if you know what I mean.So guys, buy her flowers, leave her hidden notes, take her to that favorite place, walk holding hands, get her a cup of tea in the evening or what ever else it was that you did before and have since stopped. Oh, by the way, why did you stop doing those things anyway?Yes I do these things for my wife and I teach my boys to treat their Mom in the same way.Man up!!
I agree with both you and Miss R. It's sad that you can not express yourself in our world today without compliments or kindnesses being misinterpreted. It's almost as though you need to offer a disclaimer before saying anything which does make it less likely that you will.
My neighbor told me I looked beautiful. I haven't made eye contact with him since.
I agree that it is a sad loss in our culture. I would attribute some of the blame to people who used such compliments for ill intentions. But those few drown out the sincere ones.Larry, that was really excellent advice. Passing the lesson on to your boys is critical.Jessica, when someone tells me I look beautiful and I'm uncertain of his intention, I assertively define his comment by responding,"Your so kind, thank you." In most cases it will either affirm his kindness or redirect him to better intentions. It has the added benefit of communicating and establishing your standards. I hope this might help with your neighbor.
Male and female relationships have become much more complex than they need to be. Because of changes in our society, simple niceties are no longer welcomed or allowed. I hope we can learn to be civil again without people thinking we have an ulterior motive.